In Response to Katherine's.. "COMPLETE WITH WATERSLIDE!"

Title: Small Home for Rent Near Downtown SLC!!! $600 /mo

Body: Hi, I currently live in a rental home near downtown SLC. It is also within walking distance of Jordan River Parkway and also right across the street from an AWESOME park! Convenient for kids! 

The home is a two bedroom, one and three-quarter bathroom and approx 900 square feet. The living room is huge with pergo flooring. the kitchen is pretty spacious and it comes complete with mice! Courtesy of the people living here before us. there is brand new carpet in the living room and bedrooms. Laundry room, washer and dryer hookups. The master bedroom is good size, I mean - its big enough for my TWO double beds pushed together and the dressers plus a TV! (That's right, we REALLY have it all crammed in there) The 3/4 bathroom is off the master bedroom. 

Most of the windows are brand new. 

There is an attic for storage... that also comes complete with mice! (fantastic isn't it?!)

The yard is great, and the backyard is a good size but not fenced. 

Oh yeah did I mention that it is right by some train tracks? probably not because that isn't exactly appealing for the average person...

But if you are wanting to live in the ghetto please call me! I'll even throw in a dog and husband!

Rock Paper Scissors

OK I understand how scissors can beat paper.. And I get how rock can beat scissors. But there is no way that paper can beat rock! The paper is supposed to magically "wrap around the rock" leaving it immobile? Why cant paper do this to scissors? In fact, screw scissors!!
Why cant paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled paper constantly suffocating students when they are trying to take notes in class? ... I'll tell you why! It's because paper cant beat anybody. A rock would tear the paper up in about two seconds!
I choose rock whenever I play "Rock Paper Scissors". Then when people claim that they won my rock with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say something like, "oh, I'm sorry - I thought your paper would protect you" ....

As Christmas Approaches.....

I know I am not the only one annoyed by the fact that around the end of November right up until Christmas you cannot walk into a store at any time of the day and not find a billion people in the store. Esspecially Walmart, Target and other "Well Advertised" stores.
I used to go to the store late evening and even the middle of the night in order to avoid the usual crowd. Very rarely do I go to the store on a Saturday or a Friday night. Usually, esspecially here in Utah - the best time to go to the store is Sunday - sad yet true.
A lot of people talk about how they over spend and rack up a lot of debt during the Christmas season. I'm sure I probably save money... I try to NEVER go to the store because there is no opportune time to go. I mean, it gets to the point where I am down to my last can of tuna with no bread or mayo or anything else to make anything with this last can of tuna and I still would rather starve than go to the crowded store with all the crazy "Christmasie" people.

In short....I am not looking forward to this Christmas season...

Amir's First Self Spoon Feeding Experience...

Trip to the DMV...

On October 30th 2008 I took Amir to the DMV so I could renew my drivers license. So I suited him up and - for the lack of a better word for it - I put his leash on him. We went into the DMV and luckily there weren't that many people there. I filled out my paper work - babe in arm. I went to the counter and got my number then went and sat down. As soon as I got situated with Amir in my seat my number was called. So I went up to the window and went through the routine.. I took the eye test, babe in arm... I finally put him down so I could sign everything and then the lady informs me that I have to take a "quick" 25 question, open book test on the other side of the room.
I took the paper that I needed to go get that and stood in line for about ten minutes. When I got up there it was super crowded. They only have ten computers to take these tests on and its in a small corner. I just happened to be on computer number eight. Nightmare. It was right inbetween two people - A younger boy who was probably only about 17 years old and on the other side of me was a man who was in his mid twenties and looked extremely angry and he looked like he had been there for a while. I quickly took my test without looking at the book and passed.
I went up to double check my age, weight etc and got my new picture taken... In my picture I look like the fattest pig in the world. I hate it. I was going to ask him to try again but as I went to ask him Amir puked all over the floor.. Thats when I decided it was best to go. So I took my temp license and walked out the door. Leaving whoever to clean up the mess.

And this is what I ended up with.....

Arabs

Real Time with Bill Maher - 10/17/08 - Ben Affleck, Martin Short. Socialism. John McCain and Barack Obama.

If you don't want to watch the whole thing atleast go to where Ben Affleck talks about Arabs (about 5 minutes into it) It is hilarious and amazing.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iL6YS-8rBnE.

Amir, 11 months

Today started out as what I thought would be a pretty normal day, Amir woke up around his usual time and went down for his first nap at his usual time. This is where things got a little weird. Amir usually stays asleep at least an hour and a half, two hours at most for each nap. But this time he only slept for forty five minutes to an hour. I was tempted not to go in there in case he was going to go back to sleep. But after standing by the door for a minute listening I could tell something wasn't right.. I went in and a wall of poopy smell hit me. I found him standing in the crib without pants or a diaper. His pants were on the other side of the crib from where he was standing and the diaper was around his ankles. He had somehow managed to get his overalls off and his diaper. He had also somehow managed to get poop everywhere on him but nowhere on the crib.
Needless to say that I will never underestimate that kid ever again!

700 Billion Dollar Bailout?

Boy, President Bush really does wanna go out with a "BANG"... a 700 billion dollar bailout? wtf? Who is to say by NOT doing this that it will get worse? They are trying to feed us this crap about if they DON'T do this that the global financial system will pretty much self destruct. In my opinion: NOT true.

In reality, congress has to decide between:

• Voting NO and allowing the free market to liquidate bad debts and unviable companies through allowing market prices to prevail; or
• Voting YES and empowering the Treasury Department and Federal Reserve to provide bailouts for troubled financial institutions with $700 billion (more likely trillions of dollars) created out of thin air, leading to rampant inflation of the dollar at best and the destruction of the dollar at worst.

Here is a fabulous video to watch: Ron Paul a few days ago on CNN -

10 months

I am writing this a little bit late... Amir is now 11 months but he is walking and almost running around now. He started doing that about ten months old. He also threw his first fit yesterday morning at 4 am. When I say fit I mean screaming on the bed kicking his legs and freaking out. Thats right.

Other than the fit throwing he is super cute and getting cuter by the day. He can say "bird" and "eat" and "more" in sign language. But only when he feels like it. He does bird almost every time he see's a bird but more and eat he has to be really frustrated in order to do them. He also says Mama and Dada.

He also climbes all over everything.

Cutie boy

Early Hours of September 10th

Yesterday about 3:15am my doorbell rings. I turn on my cell phone to check to see if I had any voicemails saying that there was an emergency or that someone was coming over. About thirty seconds after my doorbell ringing I heard a loud CRASH like glass being broken. I picked up a big flashlight next to my bed and started to dial 9-1-1. Every time I tried to make the call my phone just kept saying that the service was busy. So after I checked on Amir (who was still sleeping) I went to find the home phone. In my search for the home phone I saw where the sound had come from. There was a good size brick in the middle of my floor next to the TV. My blinds to the window were closed so I couldn't see the damage or anything out of my window. I found the phone and called the police. After about 10 minutes the cops came to my door saying that they caught the guy who had broken the window and that he was from California and was trying to get to Rhode Island. (??) He had also said that he was trying to get some help.
Trying to get some help? More like being a total crazy and scaring the crap out of me!
After about four to five hours of police in and out of my house taking pictures of all the damage I was informed that I could finally clean up the mess. Instead of cleaning up the mess I decided to try to get some sleep. I got about two feet from my bedroom and Amir woke up. (of course)
I cleaned up the glass and the brick and I am STILL finding glass in my kitchen, bathroom and near the computer. I have a feeling this "glass finding" will go on for quite sometime.

In short, I want to move. lol

(pictures will be posted soon)

On the Way to Texas...

On the way to TX the first plane we boarded to go to Houston was TINY! It was seriously made for Minjas! (midgit ninjas) I couldn't believe the lack of leg room...! I mean, I'm pretty short, 5'3, and I was crunched. Not to mention having a ten month old child on my lap with my purse and gigantic diaper bag at my feet.

The plane was only three seats wide with a tiny isle. When I boarded the plane I smacked someone with the diaperbag... Right in the face, POW! Getting in the seats was also difficult. I had a window seat and getting to that seat when the ceiling is shorter than I was, was very hard trying to carry my child, diaper bag and purse. It was even worse because Amir was grabbing at everything he could see. Including the man in front of me, his hat was bright orange and he loved it. He also liked the lady next to him.. She had blonde hair.

It was about a three hour flight and Amir was pretty mellow for the first hour and a half. He slept for about thirty minutes on the plane. After he woke up all hell broke loose. He started screaming and throwing a fit if I didn't let him grab the orange hat man. Which happened every five to ten minutes.

I love the way people look at moms and babies when the baby is screaming... What the crap am I supposed to do??? Cover his mouth and suffocate him?! Not an option people!!

Towel Heads

Recently I received a warning about the use of this politically incorrect term, so please note: We all need to be more sensitive in our choice of words. I have been informed that the Islamic terrorists, who hate our guts and want to kill us, do not liked to be called "Towel Heads" since the item they wear on their heads is not actually a towel, but in fact, a small folded sheet. Therefore, from this point forward, please refer to them as "Little Sheet Heads". Thank you for your support and compliance on this delicate matter.

Baby Poo

Its been a while since I've written anything so I thought I might as well tell you about yesterday's events....



Yesterday around 2:00pm I was on my way down with my sister to pick up her retainer. About half way there (ten minutes into the drive) I could smell something in the back seat and knew immediatly what it was.. Dirty, stinky diaper. So I thought to myself: "Boy thats a stinky one, what did he eat? I'll have to change him when we get to our destination" (or something to that effect)

When we arrived at the Orthodontists office I told my sister to go in and get started and I would wait out in the car/change the stinky of all stinky's. I got out of the car and opened the back door where Amir was and right then is when I knew something was not right. The smell was so bad I had to step back and catch my breath. After taking a moment to compose myself I went to take him out of the carseat to assess the damage inside his diaper. But I did not even get that far... After removing a toy and his bottle from his lap I realize the horror of the ordeal. It was ALL over. I'm not talking just a little in his pants all over, I'm talking ALL OVER: On the car seat, down his leg, up his back and all over his toys and bottle.

I took him superman style into the Orthodontists office to strip him down ad clean him up. I went into their bathroom to find that there was no changing table or anything that I could put him on to pull off my circus act. I had a choice: Toilet or sink. I chose sink. I turned on the water, still holding him superman style. I decided to just put him in clothes and all. Keep in mind, this entire time he has not cried or let out any sort of noise of protest at all. So I proceed to take off his clothes and set them aside. I threw his stinky diaper away and prepared to start washing his body. This is where the fun began... His poo was so sticky that I couldn't just rinse it off with soap and water, I had to scrub it off! Soap, water and fingernails. Thats right, fingernails. After that I had to dry him off with paper towels.


After my sister had finished with everything we went back out to the car. I didn't realize the next step would be just as hard as bathing a crazed 9 month old in a tiny sink. I had my sister hold him while I prepared to clean off his carseat. Well it was so sticky that I couldn't get it all off. I had to just get the big clumps and put some paper towels over it and call it good until I got home. I dropped my sister off and headed home. The whole time I could smell the unforgivable stench.


I finally arrived home and realized that Amir had pulled the paper towels out from under him and thrown them around the car. I took him inside the house and Ruthie started licking his leg, you know that can only mean one thing..... I turned on the bath water and continued to bathe him... Again. Once he finished with the bath I gave him a bottle and put him down for a nap.

The next step: I brought everything in and sorted out the "poopie" from "non-poopie". I placed myself in the "poopie" pile. I cleaned all the "poopie", including myself. But I could still smell the unforgivable stench for hours after.

Independence Day

Yesterday during all of the festivities I started to wonder: "When did people start actually using fireworks to celebrate the 4th?"
My first thought was to text "CHACHA" because so far they haven't failed to answer any of my previous questions to my satisfaction. But this time, I was very disappoint. I asked them the question specifically to the 4th of July and they came back with a lame answer that involved China. Yes, we all know that they have been using fireworks for the past 2,000 or so years. But that was NOT my question. Not once in my question did I mention China. So to my disappointment I had to look elsewhere.
Where you ask? Google. They never seem to fail me. Although usually I do always come across something even better on the path for answers to my sometimes odd questions.
The first thing I typed into the Google search bar was simple: "Independence Day". One of the first places it directed me to was Wikipedia. Another great site that has all the answers. What I found on this site at first was not an answer to my initial question to CHACHA but I did find some interesting facts.

Some of which were:

In 1778, General George Washington marked July 4 with a double ration of rum for his soldiers and an artillery salute. Across the Atlantic Ocean, ambassadors John Adams and Benjamin Franklin held a dinner for their fellow Americans in Paris, France.

In 1779, July 4 fell on a Sunday. The holiday was celebrated on Monday, July 5.

In 1783, Moravians in Salem, North Carolina, held the first celebration of July 4 in the country with a challenging music program assembled by Johann Friedrich Peter. This work was titled "The Psalm of Joy".

In 1791 was the first recorded use of the name "Independence Day".

In 1870, the U.S. Congress made Independence Day an unpaid holiday for federal employees.

In 1931, Congress changed Independence Day to a paid federal holiday. The residents of Vicksburg, Mississippi, celebrated Independence Day for the first time since July 4, 1863, when the Siege of Vicksburg ended with a Union victory during the American Civil War.

I later found that fireworks started being used in 1777, one year after the Declaration of Independence was signed on July 4, 1776.

I also found that America's Freedom Festival at Provo, in Utah, is one of the largest freedom festivals. It includes one of the largest Independence Day parades, and the Stadium of Fire.

Raccoon

Two nights ago before I went to bed around 11:30pm I went to close the door in my bedroom. I heard something outside and I thought it was a cat that has been coming around. I turned on the light to see if it was the cat. I saw a cat, or so I thought. It was somewhat far away, I was looking through the screen and I didn't have my glasses on. I got closer to the screen to see which cat it was and to my surprise it was a very large Raccoon!! Right when I realized what it was I noticed all around the yard were more and more raccoons! There was even a little bitty baby one.

I ran to the kitchen to find my camera but by the time I got back they had all ran away. After I closed the door and turned off the porch light I sat on the bed and realized that when I saw them they were all coming towards my house. I thought to myself " WHY were they all coming towards the house?" I still don't know. I thought maybe Ruthie caught something outside but the next day when I went out to look around there was nothing there.

Who knows why they were there. But I haven't seen them since!

THESOCK OBAMA

The first thing I want to say is: I LOVE THIS IDEA!


They say that its racist.. I don't think so. Hilarious is what it is. Trust me, I know hilarity when I see it.

http://thesockobama.com/index.html

I mean, its no worse than this:

And by worse I mean AWESOME!!! hahaha

Looney Island©

One day Goonie Monster was walking through the woods and he came across an abnormally tall bunny named Alfred.
They began talking and immediatly became friends.
They walked further into the woods together and found a purple snake named Eugene.

Eugene was also abnormally large for the area. Goonie and Alfred soon found out that Eugene was from China. They are far from China. They are in "Looney Island". They all became friends. They were three of a kind, they got along very well.One night they camped out around a fire. They were telling stories when suddenly a noise came from the trees behind them.

Since Goonie was the biggest one he was nominated to go check it out.l
In the bushes he found a scared little string bean named Elmer.

They invited Elmer to join them. The next day all four of them continued to walk. Later in the afternoon they were getting pretty hungry.
A few minutes later they came across a giant pink cell phone. Of course, they didn't know what it was. They thought it was a massive amount of food.
They began to fight over the cell phone. They argued and argued for hours. Finally a slow moving snail came along and saw the four arguing. He asked them why they were arguing. They said that they were hungry and they didn't want to share. The snail, Sir Snail said: "If hyou are true friends and are really hungry you would divide that cell phone and share. BUT! You cannot eat a cell phone....


Here is a circus peanut...."

THE END

Story by: Sharifa and Mariam
Photography by: Sharifa and Mariam
Characters made by: Sharifa and Mariam

Bare Bottom

This picture was great.. I had him in the chair and then suddenly his diaper was half off. I know what it looks like but no he did NOT pee on the chair. That was just slobber.

I Watched It?

Yes. I watched American Idol tonight.. Well, part of it. There was no way that I was going to sit through the entire 2 hours..or was it 2 1/2? Either way... I didn't want to sit through it. Instead I came in on it every once in a while to see if they had announced the winner.

Simon, Randy and Paula said that David Archuleta would win. NOPE! I was so happy to see that David Cook was actually the one to win. I mean, don't get me wrong with my previous post about American Idol... I was just sick of hearing about David A. everywhere. He has a very good voice but I just like David C.'s better. He only scraped by with about 12 million votes more than David A. (6%)

David C. just is more of my type of musician. He sang "Sharp Dressed Man" with ZZ Top!!! I loved it!!!!!!!!!!

A New Nair Experience...

Ever since I saw the new Nair product that you can use in the shower I've been wanting to try it. When I was in Walmart yesterday I finally looked at it and to my surprise it was only five dollars! Needless to say, I bought it. When I got home I decided to go ahead and try it rather than wait until the next day. When I opened the package and read the directions it was very clear that you had to put the product on before getting into the shower. So thats exactly what I did. I followed the directions very closely and applied the product onto my legs with the green and white sponge. (using the green side, as per the instructions) As I finished my left leg, which is the leg that I started with I realized that there may NOT be enough to finish both legs. I thought to myself "no wonder it was only $5....." I managed to squeeze out enough to finish both legs. I waited one minute to get into the shower. Then the 2 minutes IN the shower. This is when I took the white side of the sponge and rubbed a small part to see if the hair was coming off... It wasn't. So I waited another two minutes. (According to the instructions you CANNOT leave it on longer than ten minutes) After the second two minutes I rubbed another spot to see if it had come off.. Still nothing. So I waited another two minutes. During this two minutes I thought again to myself: "five dollars.. crappy.. I'm just going to rub it all off this time"... Thats exactly what I did. And of course, only a little came off. About a minute later I realized that my legs were on FIRE!!! Not literally of course, thats pretty much impossible when you are completely soaked with shower water. My legs were burning.. I turned the water a little colder to put out the "flame". It felt a little better but now they weren't just burning they were itching too!

Let me stop here for a minute to say that I have used nair before and it has worked well. But the smell of the chemicals was gross so I only did it a few times before. That is why I wanted to try the shower one.. "Hello!! It just rinses off?! Yay!" .....

Ok now to continue with my story.. Itching.. So I scrubbed my legs hard with the sponge. It felt SO good. Between the scrubbing and the cold water it felt real nice. I looked and I realized that as I was scrubbing the hair was coming off too!!! I was sooo happy!! But I was still a little angry that I had to scrub my itchy, burning legs to get the hair to come off.... The things girls go through....

When I got out of the shower my legs were still burning and itchy and now red! I patted my legs dry as per the instructions once again. After this i just got into bed to try to go to sleep even though my legs were still burning and itching. I decided that having blankets on would probably feel good. WRONG. So wrong. It made my legs burn even worse. So after about ten minutes of suffering I went out into the livingroom and got an icepack. At this point only a few spots on my legs were burning. "Where?" You ask? Right above my knee on the inside, outer calf and right above my feet. Thats where I put the ice. I sat there for about 20 minutes alternating where the ice packs were. Finally I started feeling better so I went to bed.

This morning when I got up my legs were fine. Except they are still bright red and my knee's itch. But they are HAIRLESS!! ... well almost. There are a few places that it didn't work but it almost did so I am happy.... Other than my suffering. I'm going to stick with shaving from now on...

YouTube Night

About a week ago Richard and I were up after Amir went to bed watching stuff on YouTube.
It all started when we went for a drive to try to get Amir to go to sleep. Somehow we started talking about Weird Al and he started singing some Santa Went Crazy song. When we got home he got on the computer and looked up the music video on YouTube. Incase you've never been on YouTube before I'll tell you about it.. When your watching a video you can see other videos related to the video you are watching. So after we watched the Santa Went Crazy one he clicked on this one:




(http://youtube.com/watch?v=qmGVYki-oyQ)

I need you to watch it to understand... After you watch it.. Please continue reading...



Ok after sitting through that and wasting 10 minutes of your life you can understand how I felt. (And for those of you who know my husband and have been through the drive through with him should get a kick out of this because its painfully like him....) But it wasn't over yet. It reminded him of the actual videos that Weird Al was making fun of. He searched that because I had never seen it before. You can watch that here but I don't recommend it. I'll tell you a little about it rather than making you watch it.. Its R. Kelly singing some stupid crap about his life (fictional... I hope) There are 22 episodes of about 9 minutes each. Some were longer than that. We watched all the episodes. We sat there for about 3 hours watching. It was some of the dumbest crap I have ever seen. There was so much crazy drama in it that we just couldn't stop wathing.

The point of this blog was to a)Make you waste 10 minutes out of your life and watch the hilarity of Weird Al... And b)To warn you that R. Kelly is an idiot. haha.

Marvin The Tap Dancing Horse

Marvin the Tap-Dancing Horse captures the hearts of kids with its charming tales of life in the carnival. In this show the characters discover that they can communicate with one another. Together, they overcome many obstacles while enjoying the excitement of carnival life.

Yes, I did my research. Why you ask? Well Katherine was watching it. To be perfectly honest I thought it was pretty funny as well. Between "pizza pigs" and swimming pigs, elephants and tap dancing horses. Yes, it was hilarious. So funny that I had to comment.

Rufus and Ruthie

Lately, every time we go to my in-laws and bring Ruthie there is a blue bird that will not leave her alone. I don't know if it is an actual "Blue Bird" or Blue Jay or what! But either way - It squeaks and squawks at her the entire time we are here. When we go into the back yard it will not leave. All you can hear outside or in, is this crazy bird freaking out about Ruthie.
I cant figure out why it does this. I have looked and I do not see a nest anywhere near. I don't know if it is just mad that Ruthie is in its turf or what. I don't know how to put it to you bird but Ruthie is bigger than you. I think I'm going to name the bird Rufus. Rufus and Ruthie.

Mothers Day

Where did "Mothers Day" come from? I decided to do some research on mothers day to see where and when this holliday all started. I am surprised by the results.

During the course of my research I found several different things for Mothers Day. All different origins. I decided to go with the U.S. rater than Greece or anywhere else. Why? Well its going to make more sense since most people around here don't worship the Ancient Greek Gods and Goddesses... Or do they? Who knows.

Anyway, Mothers Day celebrates motherhood generally and the positive contributions of mothers to society. It falls on the second Sunday of each May. It is the result of a campaign by Anna Marie Jarvis (1864-1948), who, following the death of her mother on May 9, 1905, devoted her life to establishing Mother's Day as a national, and later an international, holiday. I personally think she just wanted her 5 minutes of fame and stole the holliday from the U.K. Their Mothers Day occurs in the fourth Sunday of Lent. And the U.K. stole it from Greece. Their mothers day is sometime in March and has to do with one of their Motherine Goddesses.
Mothers Day (U.S. style) also had something to do with women against the war around this time.

These days all Mothers Day really is, is a way for the stores and companies to have "Mothers Day Blowout Sales!!" Thats right. "Buy this crappy diamond braclet for your special mother for only $9,999,990.00!!!!"

Ruthie "Poopie-Face" Draper

Ruthie is almost 7 months old. She has been doing really good with going to the bathroom outside. Well since she's been in heat she's been having some problems with it for some reason. Well today was an ordeal with her crapping in the house. I walk out of my bedroom around 8:00am. Only to find a big pile of it in the hallway. Let me clarify what I mean by "pile".. Ruthie doesn't just poop one at a time. She'll lay one down and then take a step and do another. So she goes in two's. And these aren't small logs either, I don't know how she can go that much! Anyway, when I walked out of the bedroom and saw that I could tell it was fresh. I proceeded into the front bathroom and on the way I saw Ruthie by the kitchen. When I walked out of the bathroom (keep in mind that I was only in there for maybe two seconds)By this time she was in the hallway by the piles that I was getting ready to clean up. I cleaned it up and then I walked back into my bedroom to get amir and put him in his room. By the time i got down the hall to his room Ruthie had done it again. But I still didn't catch her. She wasn't even in the room!! I put Amir in his jumper and walked out again to get something to clean it up with. I got back and she was in his room with him. I cleaned it up and turned around and she was in the process of doing it again!! I flipped out! I told her no and grabbed her and took her outside. But by then it was too late. She had already gotten it all out. Now she wont even come near me because she's so scared. lol

Biscut

I just had to post this picture... He attacked this biscut like a crazy. He LOVES food!

The Hilarity of "Knock Knock" Jokes

Last night Rich, Amir and I wen't to my sister in laws house to hang out. The night started out with a walk to the park. During that 10 minute walk Richard made both of the twins cry. Thats right, both! At the park I somehow got talked into playing and going down the slide. To get to the twisty slide that Cooper wanted me to go down I had to crawl through one of those tubes. Looks and sounds easy enough right? WRONG! Its easy right up until the end when you try to crawl out. Think back to when you were younger and crawled through these things. You would stand up at the end but be bent over and just kinda walk out. That is completely impossible when you are an adult! So I had to stick my head and hands out and pull myself half way out then flip over so I was facing the sky and slide out the the rest of the way... I did that a few times. Each time I found a different, easier way to do it. Anyway, the first slide I went down my hips got stuck! Thats right, in the middle it gets just a little bit skinnier and I slowed down then once I got through, I sped up again. I was really worried to go down the twisty slide. I could just see myself getting stuck sideways somehow. Don't worry, I got through it without a scratch. Even though I do have what feels like a bruise on my knee from the tube I had to crawl through. No visible bruise though.
I don't remember the wood chips on the ground in the playground being so freakin' painful!!

When we got back Allyson had donuts. HOORAY! DONUTS!!! Somehow everyone starts telling knock knock jokes. Coopers knock knock jokes are the best: Knock knock - Who's there? - "atch" - atch-who? - *insert about 2 minutes of crazy talk here* "BLESS YOU!!!". Same with every other knock knock joke told. It was pretty funny. I couldn't understand a word that was coming out of his mouth! It was hilarious!

Two Boys

I find ex-boyfriends hilarioius. For the sake of privacy for these two boys I'm going to change the names. But those of you who know me from when I dated these two should know who it is. And for those of you who don't know - let me introduce you to "Hans" and "Fritz". (remember, these names are replaced so these are NOT their real names)

I met Hans when I was about 14 years old and his friend Fritz I met when I was about 16.

Fritz: I started dating him when I was almost 17. We dated until I was almost 19. To make this long story short, that was the most unhealthy relationship I have ever been in. He was suicidal and crazy. Of course, I didn't realize this until about a year into us dating when I started thinking about breaking up with him. Then when I brought up dating other people thats when his crazy, suicidal side came out. Anyway, we dated for about another year. Then I went to Cancun, Mexico for about three days. A few days later after I got home I found out from a mutual friend that he cheated on me when I was gone with his ex girlfriend. Well needless to say I quickly broke up with him. Perfect excuse! haha. Anyway, I apperantly broke his heart and drove him to drink, smoke and do drugs. Wow! I didn't realize that I had such an impact.

Hans: Shortly after breaking up with Fritz I began hanging out with Hans again. Then about six months later we started dating. We kept our relationship a secret because Fritz and his little "hate edge" buddies kept threatening Hans's life. (funny I know) Well, I'm not really sure how long this relationship lasted when he cheated on me with the SAME girl as Fritz! So I quickly broke up with him . (obviously) Well!!! I broke his heart as well and drove him to drink, smoke and do drugs.

Now Fritz and Hans are best buddies. Let me clarify. When I met these boys they were clean cut, do gooders. Now they have dyed their hair black, have peircings, tattoo's and long, sick hair and facial hair.

A couple months ago when Amir was barely born Fritz messaged me on myspace. I have my profile set to private so all you can see when your not on my friends list is a thumbnail picture, screen name, age, gender and a quote you put up in a specific area. He's not on my friends list and my thumbnail picture just happened to be the picture of my tattoo on my back. Let me clarify everythng you could see inthe picture: Tattoo and the skin around the tattoo. You couldn't tell where it was at. For all anyone could know it could be the bottom of my foot or my bottom. Its that crappy of a picture. So in his message he says: "I thought you were married?" I responded something along the lines of "yes, married and a mother..." he writes back "well why do you have THAT picture up?" Confused I reply: "the picture of my tattoo? umm.. cause I feel like it?" He responds again, "well, if you were MY wife I wouldn't want that picture of you up for everyone to see" WHen I read that I laughed to myself then replied "well, thats why we aren't together. And a good thing too because I don't like control freaks. I don't see a problem with a picture of a tattoo up for my FRIENDS to see" then it took him like an entire month to respond and he finally tells me how crappy our relationship was. I agreed. That was the last I heard of him.

I just happened to run into Hans on Monday. Every Monday night I go and hang out with some of my friends. Usually at the Dees. Well this particular night I texted the "fat man" to make sure him and his girlfriend were going to be there because I wasn't going to go if they weren't. He confirmed that they were going to be there and that they were saving me a seat next to them. So when I walked in they already had the HUGE booth. So I start walking and I look towards the side that the Fat Man is on and see everyone on that side. I sit down in my saved spot and to my left I hear "hey sharifa". I look over and its Hans! He now has hair past his shoulders and two sick peircings in his lip. I didn't notice him coming in because I thought he was just some girl that always shows up who I don't really like all that much. I was shocked. All I said was "hey" and looked away. It was pretty funny. I didn't talk to him the rest of the time. I was glad he left early. His friend kept looking at me all funny. Maybe its because I couldn't stop talking to everyone and not them. Who knows. lol

Anyway the whole point of this story is I'm glad that they are willing to sacrifice their health to protest me breaking up with them. For "no reason". haha

Thinking About School

I honestly cant believe I passed my Meteorology class with a B-. Crazy. And I only have three classes to go before I graduate!! wooot!!!

CHICKENS!!!

Alright so I thought the only chickens around our house were the people across the street from us. Well I was down the street where my mom gets her milk. She gets it from someones house. Well they have chickens.. Fluffy chickens...

I walked through the gate and saw these chickens. I didn't really think anything of it other than "more chickens?!". They were hens so I wasn't worried about them coming after me or anything. BOY WAS THAT A MISTAKE!!! They came towards me and started pecking my feet. Thats right!! They were trying to eat my toes.

Complaint

I have a complaint I must voice.

I hate the fact that all I hear all day, everyday is one of the following:

a) Bass
b) Ghetto Bass
c) REALLY Ghetto Bass
d) Mexi-Music

You know what I mean. If you don't - You've obviously never been to my house and/or the ghetto. And for that I hate you.

Oops!

I found this here: http://www.marriedtothesea.com/042208/oops-thats-not-funny.gif ... and thought it was hilarious.. I mean.. NOT hilarious.... hha

Amir

I have decided that I am going to start writing about Amir and his antics atleast once or twice a month. I was thinking about this today and I realize that he does a lot of funny stuff and it all happens so fast that I don't write it all down. So I might actually end up writing about him more than once or twice a month.. After a while it might turn out to be just about everyday.. Or a few times a day. But only being 6 months old right now I guess theres only so much you can write about besides the fact that his poop looked like little deer pellets today.

As of today Amir is 6 months, 3 weeks and 3 days old. For the last week or so he's been on all fours (hands and knee's) rocking back and forth trying to master the art of crawling. It has been going well. Other than the fact that he keeps falling and hitting his face on our wood floor. Don't worry, he's only had one bloody nose from this. He's also holding his bottle.. But only when I'm not there to hold it for him. You know how it goes.. He wants mom to hold the bottle for him anyway.

Anyway, my family always gives nicknames. Amir's just happens to be "goonie". Or "goonie monster". Thats right. My 12 year old sister gave him that one. And she's also got a song for him.. It goes something like this: "He's a goonie monster but he's all wet!" And repeats a few times. Why is he all wet you ask? He's a slobbery boy. I'm positive he loses gallons out of his mouth everyday. No wonder he eats so much!

Tag Theory

Out of all the toys Amir has. All of them, the ones he likes the most are the ones with the tags. He loves tags. He likes to grab them and put them in his mouth. He's always more interested in the tag then the toy itself.

After observing this I was trying to remember a time where I saw my siblings playing with tags. But I couldn't remember. So I asked my mom about it.. She DEPRIVED us of our fun! She cut the tags off of all our toys!!

....I feel like I've lost some of my childhood.

Chickens in the City

Thats right, you heard it. Chickens are running loose in Downtown Salt Lake City!! Well, pretty darn close!

A few weeks ago Richard and I were outside getting ready to leave our house. As usual Ruthie was outside with us helping load the diaper bag etc (haha) Well all the sudden I hear "B-B-B-BOCK! - cluck, cluck, cluck" and then "RUFF RUFF RUFF!" I look over and Ruthie is running twoards the bushes in our backyard. All of the sudden three chicken are in my sight! Well the first thing I think is "oh no! Those things are going to kill my dog!" Seriously, these chicken are twice Ruthies size atleast. They are some of the biggest chickens I have ever seen!

After Ruthie cornered the smallest of the three, Richard walked over and picked her up so the chicken could get away. So they ran across the street into the park. We put Ruthie inside and left. That was the last I saw of them.

UNTIL TODAY!

Today Ruthie was tied up on the sprinkler so she couldn't run off and get impregnated by a Dirty Mexican dog. (thats right, she's in heat) Suddenly I heard the somewhat fimilar soud: "cluck cluck" then little feet running across grass. I look over in the backyard again and our neighbors are chasing the same chickens! By the time I saw the neighbors the chickens were already around the house. They asked us where they went and we just pointed.

So helop me! That better be the last of those chickens in our yard!

Sniper Fire?

I know its a little late to talk about this... But tonight, this is bugging me.

Hillary Clinton under sniper fire. Scary thought right? Right!! Well, kinda - if this were true its too bad that none of those "snipers" were good enough to well.. you know.

Hillary:
"I remember landing under sniper fire," she recalled. "running with our heads down to our vehicles."

First of all, if this was such a "dangerous" trip.. WHY in the world would she take her daughter? Seriously, common sense people!!!

So anyway, after her riveting story about her horrible experience of being under sniper fire.. What happened? She said she "misspoke"!!! Seriously what an EFFING idiot! She said: "I say a lot of things -- millions of words a day -- so if I misspoke, that was just a misstatement."
Ummm okay people this is not a "misstatement" this is what some people would call a "fib". Or what I like to call it.. A LIE!

... I hope she isn't elected as the next President.. So help me.. I will move out of this country! We are DOOMED!

Curse of the LOVE Sweater

Due to a series of events I wanted to find the answer to lifes question.. "Why is a 'sweater' called a 'sweater'?" (thats right, LIFE'S question! lol) As I was searching this mind boggling question online I came across a Wikipedia site all about sweaters. That site linked me to this site. Yet another Wikipedia site about the "Sweater Curse".

What is the sweater curse? it is "a situation in which a knitter gives a hand-knit sweater to a significant other, who quickly breaks upwith the knitter" ...Usually before the knitter even gives them the sweater!!!! (hilarious)

For some reason it reminded me of this dumb girl I hung out with in high school. She was dumb enough to knit someone a sweater..

Seriously, who does that?

Patience

I could never understand why Richard took forever to decide on something. Not just the typical "I cant decide what I want to get from the drive through menu" - Big stuff.. Like picking out grass seeds, BBQ's and lawn mowers... Speaking of BBQ's... Today, we went to Lows to get a BBQ.. And when I say "we" I mean, Richard, Amir, Ruthie and I. We were there FOREVER. So finally I told Rich that I would pick out everything. So I told him everything I wanted and of course, he got the exact opposite. I never could figure out the reasoning behind standing in the store for an hour looking at pro's and con's of things and figuring out just how much your really spending on each part of what your buying. I never could understand it until I spent an hour and a half yesterday with my father in law looking for a lawn mower - which I find hilarious. Actually no, I still don't understand it...
I only have one thing to say about the whole thing... Like father, like son.

Marshmallow Fetish

It's late - about 3:00 am. And for some odd reason I was just thinking about roasting marshmallows. Yes, marshmallows. Big ones. Then I realized that I have a somewhat crazy fetish with the sound the marshmallows make when they catch on fire. It is the best sound ever!! I've loved this ever since I was a little kid. Only one thing has changed... When I was little and I would burn the marshmallows I wouldn't want to eat them. I would give them to my grandma to eat because she said they tasted good. But then after I got a little bit older and did it people started to criticize me for doing that. So instead of burning them and wasting them or choosing not to even burn them (that was NOT an option) I decided to just man up and start eating it. And now... I cant eat my marshmallows any other way. Burn it... Peel off the outer, burned layer and eat it... Repeat process until marshmallow is gone..


MMMM...

Outsourced Caring™

Outsourced Caring™

Go to this site and read this blog. Hilarious. Rich and I were just discussing this the other day.. Those stupid self checkouts are taking over. Soon all you are going to have to do is push your cart through a huge scanner and it will do it all for you. But heaven forbid you push it through too fast.. It will also jack the price of the food up. Just like the gas. Hoooorrrrayy....

Pride

The fact that one minute you could be a "nobody". While you are that nobody you have your circle of friends the girls/guys that you have crushes on and they have little crushes on you and so forth. You date them, you hang out with your friends... Cool.
The next minute you become a movie star, a rock star... whatever. Then you start to fade away from the people who care about you. You drift away from that person you truely love. Because you have to experience life. Try new things... Make new friends.
I think its so incredibly stupid how when you don't have that camera recording you or that guitar or microphone in your hand, people don't look at you twice, the second you get one or more of those things. You are special to everyone. And you begin to forget the people who helped you get there.
You have your groupies and your fans there but they aren't going to support you if something happens where you can no longer be "special". You know who is? The people who TRUELY love you for who you are and what you believe in and will support you in ANYTHING you want to do. Even if it means giving up your career to go do something else. Like become a Dr, make a family or become a teacher.
Bottom line... Don't cut the people who truely care about you out of your life. You may need them someday and if you shun them for too long, they may not be there in the end.

Old blog from about two years ago...

A massive spider just a tiny bit smaller than my palm just came OUT of my hair [which is gross cause I just washed my hair TODAY and brushed it like two hours before this happened] Those things are ALL over my house this time of year and I am SICK of it.I dont even know what kind of spiders they are, I have only seen them in this house. But they are like MUTANT spiders!
I once again had to have my brother come and kill that thing!!he said it SQUISHED then CRUNCHED.which is sick.
so, i'm gonna clean my house tomorrow...with rubber gloves. and i'm getting spider traps.
Those stupids are going DOWN!
*cries*

Photography